k.unwrapped

One minute I’m ready to quit my job, the next minute I like it. One minute I want to relocate…well, uh, I still plan to relocate. I was looking over my resume yesterday and it sort of resembles trash. Two years out of school, 1.5 years at the last gig, 6 months at the current gig…hmm I’m thinking that I should stay put for a bit so that my resume can at least look like something. I’m currently a consultant for a contractor. I’m seeing some VERY interesting dynamics going on, especially since I work at a client site. Firstly, the client employees kind of look at us funny b/c we were hired in part to save money on employee benefits. So they’re kind of looking at us like we’re illegal aliens — driving down the cost of labor so that the employer doesn’t have to pay top $$$. On top of that we’re under extra scrutiny and held to a higher standard than the client employees that do the exact same jobs as we do (excluding the extra responsibilities that come our way). On the other hand, the work environment is more relaxed and working after 5pm is pretty much unheard of…I LOVE that LOL. I guess I’ll stick it out at least until I hit the one year mark, then start plotting my relocation.

This is going to be one hell of a year. My mom is not slated to return from Iraq until next July. My brother will have to choose a high school within the next couple of months, and my sister has to start thinking about colleges. I don’t think she’s completely sold on college but we’re halfway there. She’s a junior now and I’m trying to line up some campus tours for this fall to get her in that mode. She finally started getting the college thing in her head when we ran into my old middle school best friend. My sister and I were headed to my mom’s to pick up some things before she headed off to Iraq and we saw this friend who I’ll call Fatou. Fatou and I have been in and out of touch since my first year of college but from 7th grade til then we were attached at the hip.

I remember when 12th grade rolled around and  we talked about the SATs and Fatou didn’t even want to take the test. She said something about being bad at math and I assured her that I was too but I was taking that damn test. I tried to convince her but she had her own agenda. By November of senior year I’d gotten accepted by the college I ended up attending. They said apply early and I was SO there. All the while Fatou had no plan other than moving in with some silly boyfriend after graduation. Fast-forward 7 years and she’s working two full-time jobs just to make ends meet. One 9a-6p type job, and one at Walmart from 11p-7a just to SURVIVE. I’m so glad my sister was with me when Fatou and I were having that catch-up conversation. Ever since that day my sister has been gung ho about the campus tours and she’s repeatedly said, "I don’t want to end up like Fatou." Previously, talking to her about college was sort of like talking to my damned self. My brother not so much. He’s already confirmed that he’s going to be a lawyer and he just has all the answers (or so he thinks–lol) so I don’t worry about him as much. I am, however, trying to steer him toward this particular high school that’s known for sending about 80-90% of it’s students to college, and the avg SAT scores for that school are high compared to the other schools in the city. It’s kind of tough when they live with their dad who has a GED and isn’t really pushing them that hard because nobody pushed him and he practically raised himself, although I’ll admit he’s doing the best he can.

I KNEW I was going to college sophomore year. West Chester University had a program with my high school where 30 sophomores were chosen to live on campus for 2 weeks in the summer and take classes to get the college experience. We stayed in the dorms, had to go to class every morning, and even had a meal plan. I didn’t know anybody that went to college and was like WOOOOOOW THIS IS WHAT I’M GONNA DO. Seriously. Although I KNEW that I didn’t want to attend WCU that school always has a special place in my heart for that experience. I think I’ll make it the first stop on our campus tour.

I’ve been tagged by S23:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Without further ado…

1. It’s hard for me to consciously talk about myself. When I’m not trying to do that is when people learn the most about me. I stared at the computer for a while trying to come up with these 8 things lol.
   
2. I’ve been wearing glasses since 1st grade. I wasn’t one of those kids that my mom had to fight with to make me wear the glasses (although they were bigger than my face) because I really could not see. The teacher would put me in the front seat closest to the chalkboard and I still couldn’t read a word of it without glasses. When I wake up in the morning I put my glasses on so that I can find my contacts and put them in…before I even shower. Driving, watching TV, and getting on my laptop without my eyewear ain’t gonna happen.
   
3. My mom is currently in Iraq for the next year b/c she’s in the army. I’m confident that she’ll be fine and everything will be okay but dang I miss her .
   
4. I officially gave up eating beef & pork about 3 years ago in an effort to slowly transition to vegetarianism. Never quite made the full transition…lol. I tried eating beef again at one point but after not having it for so long I didn’t like the taste and consistency, and it upset my stomach. I didn’t really grow up eating pork so I’ve not missed it much.
   
5. I’ve never been in an official relationship other than high school which doesn’t count (to me, anyway). I have a feeling that when I’m really ready for the commitment that is marriage, that’s when I’ll find myself in an official relationship that will probably lead to marriage. People sometimes try to make me feel weird about that, but those people are usually in relationships that have zero long-term potential whatsoever. I just don’t see any reason to be ‘official’ with someone w/ no potential just b/c I enjoy their company even though I do want a relationship. I will elaborate in another blog entry this weekend.
   
6. I totaled a car on the PA turnpike 3 years ago (lost control of the car). Because of the accident I’m a HUGE proponent of seatbelts b/c if I hadn’t worn mine I wouldn’t be sitting here typing this right now. The impact of the crash would’ve thrown me through the windshield at 75 mph. Just to paint a picture, after the crash the car landed on its roof and I had to climb out of the busted passenger window to get out. The tow guy had to slice up the back seat to get my stuff out of the trunk b/c it was so smashed in it couldn’t be opened. I walked away from this with a few cuts on my foot (had on flip flops), and some temporary muscle aches from the airbag impact.
   
7. I get a little anxious on the highway because of #6 and I don’t like driving if I don’t have to.
   
8. I’m quietly planning to relocate down south within the next year or so. I will talk more about it when I get some plans more solidified.

I’m not tagging anybody lol.

I’m officially job hunting again. I’ll be keeping my eye out for positions within my current company as well…some how, some way, I’m getting the heck out of this position and off of this project. True, I’ve only been here four months but there’s no sense in wasting my time! I am working on a plan and setting some goals (that’s the only way I’ll get anything done LOL).

About a month ago, just a few days after I wrote this post, my mom ran into my biological father. Long story short, the courts found him and were to begin collecting back child support. He petitioned the court to drop it on the grounds of me being over 18. So, they both went to court. Mom told me that they spoke and she now has his work number (which just happens to be a 10 min drive from my apt…ironically I said something to the effect of "he probably lives or works right around the corner but I don’t even remember what he looks like" not long ago) and that he wanted to meet with me to explain why he "wasn’t there." She also told me that I have five half-siblings! I asked my mom to drop the child-support case b/c I’m sure that some of his other kids are under 18 so he needs that money more than she or I…hell, I’m grown now. Here it is one month later and I still haven’t used that number. Sometimes when I don’t know what to do or say I just do and say nothing. The whole thing makes me sad and for some reason I feel like I could’ve lived the rest of my life not knowing any of that information. My mom didn’t bring it up again and neither did I. I talked to Mr. Dad about it and he opined that I should call…pretty much everyone I’ve talked to has said the same. By the time I gather up the nerve he probably will not be at that job anymore and the number will be useless.

On my birthday I went to a club with two of my good friends. It was wack as hell but I still had fun despite having to leave a little early to get SOME type of rest before going to work in the morning. I got home around 1am and had to drive around the block 3 times to find a parking spot…AS USUAL. I couldn’t find anything (even all the illegal ‘fire zone’ spots were taken) so I parked in this empty lot right beside my building. I’ve seen other residents of my building park there every night and this night was no different. I knew I wasn’t supposed to park there but I was not willing to park 3 blocks from my apartment at 1am. I got up at 7am to move my car and that mofo was GONE and so were the other cars. I already knew the deal so I called the tow number and they told me it would be $240 CASH if I picked up my car that day, plus an extra $40 for each day that I didn’t pick it up. I wanted to get mad but the sign clearly stated all of the above but I parked there anyway. Guess I was a little too confident that I wouldn’t get towed.

It was the middle of the month and my employer only pays once a month. So it’s not like I could put up the money and be like "oh well I get paid next week." There were still 2.5 weeks left before my next payday and I was really just getting used to budgeting my money for the whole month. I REALLY didn’t want to dig into my emergency fund because it was JUST starting to get some weight on it but I had to do what I had to do. I just thank God that I was of the mind to start putting money aside in the first place. But honestly, I was getting to the point where I was kind of ’blah’ about it. I started relaxing on those deposits and spending more money on dumb stuff. Lesson learned!

I was talking to a friend a couple of months ago about debt vs. saving. His stance was that if he had $1000 in savings while carrying a $1000 credit card debt, he’d just clean out his savings and pay off the debt. No-brainer. I asked what he would do if an emergency popped up and he had no funds? His response was that he’d just use credit cards. My thought was that he’d then be out of his emergency fund AND have newly accumulated debt (w/ interest) that he’d just paid off. Not only that but sometimes you just need cold, hard cash. I wouldn’t be caught dead taking out a cash advance on a credit card…they start charging interest THE MINUTE you make a withdrawal…fugg a grace period. So yeah, save your money people!

Your date of conception was on or about 20 August 1981 which was a Thursday.

You were born on a Thursday
under the astrological sign Taurus.
Your Life path number is 11.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 8, 11 & 22.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 3 & 6.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 9.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.

As of 5/13/2007 2:32:40 PM EDT
You are 25 years old.
You are 300 months old.
You are 1,305 weeks old.
You are 9,131 days old.
You are 219,158 hours old.
You are 13,149,512 minutes old.
You are 788,970,760 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:

There are 366 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 26 candles.

I was reading C2A’s blog the last week, as she had been posting about marriage and budgeting. It got me to thinking about the marriages I’ve witnessed b/t my mom and her ex-husband (my siblings’ father, Carl) and current husband (soon to be ex – Mr. Dad – for my one or two old readers lol).

I can vaguely remember when my mom met Carl. I was going on four years old and my mother and I were living in the projects with my uncle, his wife, and their four kids. He had his own apartment and let my mom and I move in with him to get us out of that overcrowded, roach infested, 3 bedroom project apartment we were living in. He had a daughter who was around 12 or so. He was a drug dealer; they don’t keep regular hours so my mom could leave me with him while she went to work. As I remember it, he took his daughter and I to the Gallery every day to go shopping. It was probably more like 2-3x a week but I was four at the time so bear with me. We walked all up and through that mall (he was a bargain shopper — go figure) and that’s torture for a child. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he’d bought me so much as a Happy Meal, but the majority of the time, we were shopping for leather jackets, and Run DMC style gold chains for him and his daughter. I remember telling him: "Mister Carl, I don’t like you because you never buy me anything" and he and my mom laughed it off during a romantic evening of chopping and bagging up cocaine, because, well I was four.

They eventually gave up "the life," we began attending church every Sunday, and he and mom got married by the time I was seven. All that shopping for crap ceased, and the line was clearly drawn: I was my mother’s child. He had no obligation to me, and whatever my mother couldn’t do for me just didn’t get done. I saw my biological father occassionally until I was about 8 but haven’t seen him since although we live in the same city. Anyway, by the time I was 10 my sister was born and I started to notice things. Carl had a rule that if he’d given my mother (or me) any amount of money greater than $2, she had to pay it back. They’d bought a house and argued over the mortgage because her name wasn’t on it (he told her that he couldn’t get her name on the deed due to her poor credit; her ignorance allowed her to believe that), yet he fully expected her to pay half, as well as half of any other household bills. There were times when I needed things and although it was known that he was a saver and always had a plentiful account, he’d let me do without because I wasn’t his kid. He’d let my mother do without as well…he only GAVE us stuff on holidays & during income tax time. They kept completely separate accounts and nobody ever knew how much the other really had.

They separated several times throughout the years. Each time that happened, it was me and my mom, (and my siblings when they came along) who had to move out of the house. It was HIS house after all. So, when they ineviteably reconciled, my mom stopped contributing to the mortgage…why pay when your landlord husband can kick you out whenever he feels like it? By the time I was 13, my brother came along and I REALLY started to notice things. I began to feel like THEY were a family, and I was just a girl who lived there. His kids never went without a damned thing. I never had a bond with Carl and to this very day, my mom says I was on to something when I told him I didn’t like him at age four.

By the time I was 16 they were headed for divorce, as they’d both started new relationships during the marriage and were ready to move on. When they separated the last time, he only kicked my mother out and let me and his kids stay. Such kindness. My mom and her new man, Mr. Dad, had found a new home within 6 months, so the kids and I moved out of Carl’s. My mom asked me how I felt about Mr. Dad moving in with us LESS THAN A YEAR AFTER HER DIVORCE and I told her that I was totally against it. I didn’t know this man from a can of paint, why should I trust him, and why should I have to deal with ANOTHER man of hers so soon after getting rid of the last one? For a while she let me have my way and Mr. Dad stayed with his WIFE. She said she would respect my wishes but Mr. Dad had moved in within 6 months of that conversation regardless. He said that he and his wife had been separated for years, and that he lived in the basement all that time, and he was ready to move forward with my mom.

Immediately after he came on the scene, he seemed to take an interest in my life, school, and my future. That threw me off a bit because I wasn’t used to that kind of attention, not even from my mother. I was fully expecting him to be a jerk, really. Well it turned out that he was the total opposite of Carl, he was selfless, a very southern (Mississippi), old school (several years older than my mom) provider-type. He automatically took on a father role with me because my siblings had a relationship with their dady and I had none; we became very close. They got their respective divorces then got married when I was round 20. Marriage #3 for the both of them.

Money, money, money. My mom’s marriage to Carl taught her that she had to be self-sufficient, and the sharing of money was not something she’d ever even considered. Mr. Dad made 2, maybe even 3x what she made, and they certainly had the means to live comfortably if they’d cooperated more, and she’d spent less time with the "mine" attitude that was ingrained in her. She’d always had ‘just in case’ in the back of her mind because of all the times that Carl kicked us out and we had to find a place to live immediately. Mr. Dad found out about secret accounts that she’d had and that caused strife. I’d say that the majority of their arguments stemmed from money issues, particularly the lack of full disclosure and cooperation. Not to mention the way that they’d gotten together and the trust issues on BOTH ends, but that’s another post.

Although they’re currently going through the divorce process, they get along well. He says he "gets" my mom, and understands how her upbringing has shaped her. He also "gets" that he just can’t be married to her and vice versa lol. But it has me wondering how my upbringing has shaped me. I know which things I don’t want, and what I’d like to do differently, especially when it comes to money. I don’t even have to talk about fidelity b/c that’s a given. The slightest hint of selfishness in a man (i.e. not wanting to pick me up for and/or take me on a date) and lack of dependability turns me all the way off. I do realize that I have to be discerning of a man’s character and true intentions before I allow myself to get wrapped up in him in any way. The goal is to find someone trustworthy and then…trust him. However, it’s difficult because I tend to not put ANYTHING past people. I’ve witnessed firsthand how folks just do whatever they feel like doing, family, marriage, God, be damned. Despite it all, things that seemed to be the norm when I was coming up are flat out unacceptable to me as an adult.

When I meet a guy, one of the first things I want to know is what his upbringing was like. I’ve found that I have a set of assumptions from jump: a lot of guys who grew up without a father figure, even if non-biological, don’t respect women, and don’t know how to be men. They subconsciously blame their mother for a) not choosing a good mate to begin with — one who’d stick around and be there for his kid(s), and b) not doing enough to "keep" his father so that he would have never left, and they end up treating women just as badly as their father does/did. Maybe a lot of women subconsciously blame mom too.

I’d like to think that I turned out pretty normal, whatever that is. But I can’t help but wonder that when I meet a guy, things start to get serious, and he finds out about my background, what would his assumptions be of me, and how would that impact our interactions?

She’s kind of lonely for some male attention. So, despite the fact that she knows there’s absolutely NO potential with the guy she’s seeing, she keeps him around simply to hear a male voice on the other end of the phone at night, to have masculine energy in her presence, to be able to say she has a ‘date.’ She knows he’s looking for more than she’s willing to give HIM so she strings him along a bit. Not being too available, but giving him just enough to keep him hanging on. She’s pitiful…she doesn’t understand that it’s perfectly okay to be TOTALLY alone…as in not dating ANYONE at ALL unless and until she knows there is potential with a particular guy.

I don’t want to be THAT girl. I was THIS close to being that girl…well I’ve been that girl before but for the most part I can honestly say it wasn’t a prolonged thing. I was gonna try and be "friends" with Don* after I’d made up my mind that I wasn’t going to settle for what he was offering when it came to dating. We’d never had sex so that meant we could be friends right?

Apparently he thought I wasn’t serious when I first told him that. When he realized I was serious he made a weak attempt to step his game up but by then it was too late. I don’t want anybody treat me in a way that doesn’t come natural to them. Don’t adjust your behavior for the sake of trying to appease me…you’ll just show your ass later so why bother? So Don* realized I was serious about the friends thing (I think) but he asked me to "at least hang out with me for my birthday after I have dinner w/ my family." I agreed and when his b-day came I called to wish him a happy b-day and to solidify where we’d go. He said he’d call me after dinner and never did. I called him around 9ish to see what’s up and he sent me to voicemail. Ok cool. Then he texts me the next day asking if I wanted to go to dinner…he made no mention of the previous night. I simply wrote "no" in response…I hate when people try to have convos via text message. And if you stand me up don’t act like nothing happened…I don’t care if you’re my mama that shit ain’t gonna fly. He keeps texting me like everything is cool and I ask if he’s gonna continue to pretend that he didn’t stand me up the day before. He writes, "dinner ran over and I got home late, I’m sorry." I replied, "that excuse ain’t gonna fly, it takes 5 minutes to call or text ‘I’m not gonna hang out with you tonite,’ a person has one time to pull that without a valid excuse and they can rest assured that I’ll NEVER make plans with them again." He writes back that it isn’t an ‘excuse’ but whatever. I replied, "there’s no point in wasting each other’s time. you go your way and I’ll go mine. Peace." And that was the end of Don.*

On Saturday as I prepared to run my typical errands, as I was getting dressed I noticed that this particular pair of jeans were more roomy than before. Damn this working out consistently is paying off, forreal. I always work out at least once or twice a week. Mostly jogging. But when I hit the 3-4x a week mark my body rewards me and does it well. Not that I didn’t have a nice body before hehe. I also have my forced diet a.k.a. braces to thank for that. I’ve had them for two weeks and still can’t bite into a sandwich or slice of pizza without wincing. Anyway, on Saturdays I usually throw on my workout clothes, run my errands, then hit the gym or vice versa. But since I’d worked out on Friday I decided to take a break and felt the urge to throw on some pumps and a cute outfit. I NEVER get jazzy to run errands but I felt pretty damn good on a 75 degree day. I hit NY & Co to buy my friend a gift card for her birthday. That’s her favorite store…and she’s in the process of losing weight so I didn’t dare try to pick anything out for her. Next I hit the car wash…one of the ones that you have to get out of the car while the attendants run your car through for you. So I get out of the car and walk around the building and see this guy.

Me: He sure looks like Idris Elba…seriously…DAMN.
Him: *Smile*
Me: *cheesy grin* (Sits down and waits for my car)
Him: "Can I dry your car for you?"
Me: "Sure…uh, you’re a little overdressed aren’t you?"
Him: "I’m just kidding, I don’t work here. So…what’s your name?"
Me: That was so corny. "K, and you?"
Him: "Mark. Are you married, engaged, have a boyfriend, or any kids???"

LMAO. So we exchange numbers and all that jazz…we talk and go shoot pool a couple days later (the night that Don* stood me up lol) which was fun dispite my shaky (read: shitty) skills. At 27, he’s not stable which is a MAJOR turn off for me. By stable I mean able to support himself. I immediately know that there’s no potential there. The only thing I like about him is how he looks. But I tell myself that I can just keep him around for some company…just to have a man around in some form or fashion. SMH @ my damned self for that one. Not gonna be THAT girl.