This post is piggybacking off of S23’s post here. I pretty much reposted my comment from her site and added a couple of things in.
People are always saying that if you consistently attract ‘certain’ types then you have to look at why you’re attracting them. I can understand that to an extent, but at the same time, when a man approaches you cold, he doesn’t know anything about you other than how you look. So unless you dress and/or carry yourself like a hoodrat or whore, how in the hell can it reflect negatively on you if random crazies find you attractive and decide to approach?
What I look at when a man approaches is how he talks to me (none of that "hey baby" crap), how he looks (if he has braids or sagging pants he can forget it), and in applicable cases the content of his convo (if he tells me his name is Jermaine but I should call him "J-Dubb" then there’s no way we could be compatible).
What’s up with all these false advertisers out here? They approach you looking good, very respectful and interesting. Then you get them on the phone and they say the craziest shit ever.
Exhibit A:
Me: So do you live alone?
Him: No.
Me: … (waiting for him to elaborate lol)
Me: So who do you live with?
Him: A girl.
Me: A girl??? You have a damn girlfriend?
Him: Something like that.
Me: Well it was nice meeting you then.
Him: *chuckles* But…
Me: *click*
If you’re gonna say crazy shit, I need for you to have a wonky eye, dress like a bum, and maybe a missing tooth or three. It would make things SO much easier. Seriously.
I don’t buy that you attract who you are. Iyanla Vanzant popularized that madness. The men with nothing to lose are bold so the odds of them approaching you are increased. Maybe it just means you are approachable and have a friendly face. Some folks have a fixed frown and that keeps the weirdos away and ensure that only those who know them feel free to approach.
Comment by c2a — July 24, 2007 @ 5:11 pm
I dont really agree with this either. I am aproached by some strange people. I dont think i’m strange. I agree with C2A. I dont walk around with my nose stuck up in the air. I also look around a lot when I’m out and about and if I catch someone looking I smile and nod. I’m just friendly. The key is having the ability to scope out a potential dumb ass and try to avoid him or her. It is your physical apearance to some extent. Women with dreads say that men that aproach them assume they are “deep” and into poetry. If you dress like a hookah…well that one is obvious. And like you said, some men will look at BOOBS and just walk up to you. they dont care what you look like and so on. I’ve had a man walk up to me when I was at the store. I had my son and my friend’s TWO kids with me, I was utterly shocked that this man came up and asked for my phone number.
Comment by Peach — July 24, 2007 @ 6:56 pm
most women have lowered their standards to the point where dudes think they can get away with anything , so they might have a pregnant girlfriend at home and still think they have the right to play the field with impunity it’s disgusting but true, as a man i must say that 90 percent of my friends will holla at a girl regardless of their status, single,with a girlfriend engaged or married i try not to judge but at the same time when most girls are with it anyway it makes me scratch my head
Comment by eknight — July 24, 2007 @ 8:10 pm
I agree…typically I walk around with the “I dare you to approach me” look…well…until I see someone I wouldn’t mind approaching me…and that usually keeps weirdos away. But I noticed when I am caught of guard smiling or with my friends the bold men with nothing to lose suddenly have no issue approaching me.
Its a shame I can’t smile while walking in NYC (lol)
Comment by Cluizel — July 25, 2007 @ 9:31 am
What is wrong with men that they think they can do this ish? We as women need to demand more. More women need to hang up on men if you know he has a woman. Do not get caught up in their drama. Daaaamn. I ask some serious questions lately. Not only do I ask if they are dating or married I ask them “Is there a woman out there who is under the impression that she is your woman or wife.” Negroes be lying.
Comment by Miz JJ — July 25, 2007 @ 1:55 pm