One day last week as I was walking into the subway station on my way to work, I heard someone beeping their horn but didn’t pay attention to it. I figure that if I’m not in my car, walking in or near the street, or it isn’t someone I know, nobody should be beeping at me. Period. It turns out that the horn beeper was my friend’s Ki’s brother-in-law who had to yell "heeeey K!" to get my attention. I laughed, waved, and got my arse to work as I was running late anyway.
Fast forward to yesterday and Ki invited me to the bbq of this same brother-in-law & her sister. He said, "you acted like you ain’t know me the other day, K! I bet that if a guy wants to talk to you he’d better get OUT the car b/c you won’t even look his way if he beeps at you (laughs)." I told him heck no I don’t respond to the honking of the horn b/c you honk at a prostitute (or women dressed like prostitutes — neither of which applies to me) and any guy doing that mess isn’t going to be my type. Trust me. The guy that Ki is currently dating chimed in and said I could be missing out on a good thing. The way I see it is this. If you get up in the morning to take the 7:30 bus, get to the bus stop at 7:25 and board your bus when it comes and you’re on your merry way. You’re not going to get on the 7:30 bus and think about what happened to the 7:00 and 7:15 buses because they were not for you. What’s for me is for me and a guy who beeps his horn at random women when he’s driving ain’t for me. There’s nothing to lament.
A lot of guys use their car horns as mack tools but it’s stupid. Even if he parks and gets out of the car, I still don’t like it. If I’m walking down the street, you have no way of knowing whether or not I’d even be receptive of your advances. That’s something you can only get through face-to-face interaction. Plus, what kind of idiot does one have to be to think that driving beside a walking woman, or even getting out of your car and randomly approaching her is a good idea? What would make a guy assume that this woman is not threatened by a STRANGER doing that dumb shit? If you see an attractive woman walking down the street, if you can’t be smoother than honking your horn then just make a mental note that she is attractive and KEEP IT MOVING.
As I rode the train home from work today amidst the funk, I had to remind (convince?) myself why I prefer the subway over driving everyday. I only spend $20/week on Gas. My employer pays for my bus pass. Shorter commute time. I can sit and relax on the way to work vs. being stressed by the traffic, $24/day parking, and the fact that Philly drivers don’t believe in using their turn signals for ANY reason, all by 8:30am. After going over that in my head some white guy starts singing: "I told her I loooovvvveeeed her but she left meeee for another womaaaaaaan" for about 10 minutes straight. Another passenger advises him to keep his day job so the guy gets offended and storms off the train at the next stop.
Now that it’s warm everybody (read: rugrats) is out in the streets so you have to drive more carefully ’round these parts. I don’t understand why some pedestrians are so confident in my driving. I wouldn’t put my life in another person’s hands for the sake of not missing a bus or just to ride a shitty bike in the middle of the street. If I run you over your mama nem will run outside and be mad at ME…I should’ve anticipated that little Ron-Ron would be riding in the middle of the street once I rounded that curve.
I’m about to go have me a drank…lol.
Don’t say ‘I love you’ first. I had a friend once who told a guy that she loved him and his response was ‘thanks.’ You don’t want to be on the receiving end of that so let the man say it first.
I started writing this entry a few months back, then abandoned it for some reason. That said, I have NO idea where the above quote came from.
Anyway, that kind of advice does nothing to help women. Hearing "thanks" in response to "I love you" is hardly the end of the world. As adults, we need to understand that sometimes we have feelings for people that aren’t mutual and vice versa (I would’ve been a bit salty though, lol). Furthermore, that kind of advice is telling women that we shouldn’t take risks and should avoid rejection at all costs. But we have common sense and we should use it. We also must trust our judgement in dating situations.
If you tell someone that you love them, it should be because you actually feel that way, not because you expect them to feel the same way or to hear it in return. You definitely shouldn’t settle for a one-sided relationship, but if it’s somewhat early into your relationship, give the person time to reach your emotional level. That’s where common sense comes in. Love is an action word so you will know if the man is falling for you (or if he isn’t interested) based on how he treats you.
I wouldn’t suggest being an aggressive woman but a friend told me he digs that so to each his own. Holding back for fear of rejection isn’t helpful either.
Myth 1: Men don’t know how to behave in a relationship. It is up to a woman to be patient and "teach" him how to treat her.
On an episode of "Roseanne," Roseanne tries to convince Jackie to marry a man who demands that she quit her job as a cop as a condition of marriage. But Jackie wants a husband like Dan, who is considerate and understanding. Roseanne tells Jackie that it took years of hard work…Dan didn’t come out of the package pre-assembled.
It only works that way in TV Land folks. I know that we’ve all heard that you subconsciously teach someone how to treat you by what you accept (and don’t) from your mate. And I agree %150. However, there isn’t a man walking this earth who doesn’t know that if he’s in a committed relationship,
- He should stop ‘messing around’ with his ex
- He should call if he’s going to cancel a date
- Spending time with him and his friends does not = quality time for the two of you
- Collecting phone numbers & going on dates with other women is off-limits
Some women might say, "but this is his first serious relationship and he’s learning." If that’s true then OJ didn’t do it and his new book truly is ‘fiction.’ [end sarcasm]
He may try to play dumb, but trust and believe, he’s just trying to see what you’ll allow him to get away with.
Myth 2: Things may be a little rocky in the beginning, but things will change.
Not gonna happen. If you’re in the early stages of dating and he’s always "busy," gives you excuses as to why he can’t return your calls, two years from now things will be the same. If you’re unfortunate enough to make it past dating, and into relationship territory, you will always feel like an afterthought with him. At that point do not complain or try to change him. Either accept it or find someone else who’s less "busy."
Myth 3: A man can completely fool you/you’re a victim.
How often are women completely blindsided by men? In the times that things didn’t work out due to some shadiness on his part, can we honestly say that we didn’t see the signs but chose to ignore them? Or that we gave the benefit of doubt?
That doesn’t mean that a man is excused for being an asshole, nor should we stop giving the benefit of doubt. However, common sense and discretion should be our guide.
Myth 4: A man should accept you for who you are.
Not necessarily. Are you the best you that you can be? Are you difficult? How are your character, mind, appearance, and treatment of people in your life? You should be accepted for who you are, but not if you’re crazy…unless you’re Jackie Christie — crazy seems to work for her.
I’m officially job hunting again. I’ll be keeping my eye out for positions within my current company as well…some how, some way, I’m getting the heck out of this position and off of this project. True, I’ve only been here four months but there’s no sense in wasting my time! I am working on a plan and setting some goals (that’s the only way I’ll get anything done LOL).
About a month ago, just a few days after I wrote this post, my mom ran into my biological father. Long story short, the courts found him and were to begin collecting back child support. He petitioned the court to drop it on the grounds of me being over 18. So, they both went to court. Mom told me that they spoke and she now has his work number (which just happens to be a 10 min drive from my apt…ironically I said something to the effect of "he probably lives or works right around the corner but I don’t even remember what he looks like" not long ago) and that he wanted to meet with me to explain why he "wasn’t there." She also told me that I have five half-siblings! I asked my mom to drop the child-support case b/c I’m sure that some of his other kids are under 18 so he needs that money more than she or I…hell, I’m grown now. Here it is one month later and I still haven’t used that number. Sometimes when I don’t know what to do or say I just do and say nothing. The whole thing makes me sad and for some reason I feel like I could’ve lived the rest of my life not knowing any of that information. My mom didn’t bring it up again and neither did I. I talked to Mr. Dad about it and he opined that I should call…pretty much everyone I’ve talked to has said the same. By the time I gather up the nerve he probably will not be at that job anymore and the number will be useless.
