Friday, September 10, 2004
There’s a fine line between protecting yourself from bullshit and being a bag lady type of chick that thinks every man she meets is out to fuck her over. I met someone a few weeks ago, we talked via the phone and aim, then he came to visit (he lives in another city) one Saturday. We had a good time together that day but as soon as he left things were different. Or maybe they weren’t different. Before he even came to visit I noticed that every time he called me he was in route - either on his way home from work or on his way to the store. He never called me from his home and every time he reached his home he’d get off the phone with me. I had two cell phone numbers that he gave me and neither phone was likely to be turned on when I called. He also sent emails when it would make more sense to call. Nevertheless I still went out with him. After he returned to his city the calls stop coming and I sensed a lack of interest. Cool. Then out of nowhere he sends an "I was thinking of you" type of email. Huh? The week prior to him coming to visit he called and emailed me quite a bit then suddenly all that changed - the calls and emails pretty much stopped…then I got that email. This man is either married or has a wifey at home. It’s as simple as that so I just chalked that one up. The point of all this is did I see the signs because I was looking for them? When you look for shit you usually find what you’re looking for. That’s when I have to ask myself, should I trust my intuition or am I overreacting? Intuition wins hands down. I’ve learned to never second guess myself, my instincts lead me in the right direction most of the time so I’m gonna follow them. If I’m wrong then so be it - that’s life. I wasn’t expecting this man to be my soulmate, not even my boyfriend, but I was expecting him to be consistent. You can’t be feeling me all crazy this week, not feeling me next week, then feeling me again the week after that. The minute a man becomes inconsistent is the minute that I get turned off. Usually when a man is inconsistent its because he’s dating too many women, he’s married, or has a girlfriend. That’s cool if a man wants to do the whole pimp thing…I just can’t fuck witcha. My friend just broke up with his girlfriend after a year of drama. I know him well and he has a good heart with good intentions. When he met the girl she was carrying a lot of baggage from her previous relationship. He figured that if he just showed her that he was a good guy then she’d let her guard down and everything would work out. Wrong. After a year she still didn’t trust him and she had a very nasty attitude towards him to the point where he couldn’t even talk to her. He was really into this girl and he was there for her when she needed him, he was always trying to work on the relationship, and he was consistent. After somebody has proved themself like that you should let your guard down. I think consistency is the thin line between protecting yourself and being bitter. A person who’s protecting themself will let their guard down once a certain level of consistency is reached and a bitter person won’t let their guard down no matter what.
** This is a repost from my old Blogspot
I feel what you’re saying abou thow there’s a time to let your guard down. But it can be scary for a girl, especially when she’s had her heart walked on, even by men she thought she had reached a point of trust with. You are right about intuition. Every time I go against it, i wind up in a whole heap of trouble.
Comment by Herina — April 10, 2007 @ 1:09 pm
Consistency. I never really thought about it like that. I think the thing with me is that men can be so shady…Okay, I may be that bag lady..that I never really expect consistency from the start. So if he’s actually consistent, I’m shocked, and I do begin letting my guard down.
Comment by Erica — April 10, 2007 @ 2:26 pm
You attract what you expect to attract. When I attract bums I have to take pause and look at what I’m doing to give them the go ahead.
Or…
You get what God means for you to have.
I still haven’t decided if it’s one or the other, or a mix.
Oh and what if your intuition seriously tells you to go against your mind and all your fears that the same thing will happen AGAIN?
Comment by Hostess — April 10, 2007 @ 7:26 pm
hey, just wanted to say that this post was the truth. i never really thought aboout it that way either. i been in situations before where i knew the relationship wasn’t going to go anywhere but sideways, and i normally don’t mind at all until the dude starts getting real shady with me. it’s disrespectful. And you made me ask myself the same thing, about self-defense vs. an all around bitterness.
Comment by jess — April 12, 2007 @ 6:59 pm
girl, same thing happened to me. Dude would only call between 9am and 5pm and never answered his phone after that, but would call me the next morning at….yep, 9am or thereabout. I hate to judge but this one really had me thinking he had a wife or a live-in girlfriend. Didn’t know where he lived, and he always came to my place and left before 9pm.Plus, dude was about 32 (I’m 24, so he probably thought I was some naive broad or something).Anyway, Intuition is a woman’s sixth sense. I don’t play when it comes to my intuition because I’m right most of the time. Consistency is key with men. If they’re not consistent now, they probably never will be.
Comment by Heartdrops — April 14, 2007 @ 1:42 pm
Consistency seems so simple and basic, yet that is always the key to me figuring out if someone is playing games with me or if they are genuine. I used to look for stuff in everything, kind of like a detective. I got so tired of that and hurt so many times, I stopped. It’s hard to change your way of thinking, but I am trying to take what someone says at face value as long as their actions match up and I’ll change the way I treat them, if and when they show their ass. Also, I strongly believe in speaking about what I expect to them, so that there is no misunderstanding. Now if they chose to go against what I expect, that lets me know they don’t give a damn anyway. If they are genuine and want to be around for the long haul, they will attempt to please you and when they cannot they will let you know.
Comment by Serenity23 — April 15, 2007 @ 7:05 pm
I remember this post from awhile back. I wonder what brought it back to the surface.
Comment by Soul — April 19, 2007 @ 5:48 pm