It’s a lovely Saturday afternoon and I’m walking along South Street. I look up and see a familiar face; he’s holding the hand of a little girl, and a woman is holding her other hand. They look like such a happy family…then I realize it’s the jackass from this post. He smirks at me…I glance briefly and keep it moving. I can’t even remember his name and if I used a name for him in a previous entry, it wasn’t the real one.
My little sister had a falling out with one of her little friends. I met the girl a few times so when she sent me a friend request on Myspace I accepted it. Why did she delete me from her list when she and my sis stopped speaking? And why did she add me back when they made up? Ah, to be 15 again…SMH.
*Clicks "cancel Myspace account" button*
Friday, September 10, 2004
There’s a fine line between protecting yourself from bullshit and being a bag lady type of chick that thinks every man she meets is out to fuck her over. I met someone a few weeks ago, we talked via the phone and aim, then he came to visit (he lives in another city) one Saturday. We had a good time together that day but as soon as he left things were different. Or maybe they weren’t different. Before he even came to visit I noticed that every time he called me he was in route - either on his way home from work or on his way to the store. He never called me from his home and every time he reached his home he’d get off the phone with me. I had two cell phone numbers that he gave me and neither phone was likely to be turned on when I called. He also sent emails when it would make more sense to call. Nevertheless I still went out with him.
After he returned to his city the calls stop coming and I sensed a lack of interest. Cool. Then out of nowhere he sends an "I was thinking of you" type of email. Huh? The week prior to him coming to visit he called and emailed me quite a bit then suddenly all that changed - the calls and emails pretty much stopped…then I got that email. This man is either married or has a wifey at home. It’s as simple as that so I just chalked that one up.
The point of all this is did I see the signs because I was looking for them? When you look for shit you usually find what you’re looking for. That’s when I have to ask myself, should I trust my intuition or am I overreacting? Intuition wins hands down. I’ve learned to never second guess myself, my instincts lead me in the right direction most of the time so I’m gonna follow them. If I’m wrong then so be it - that’s life. I wasn’t expecting this man to be my soulmate, not even my boyfriend, but I was expecting him to be consistent. You can’t be feeling me all crazy this week, not feeling me next week, then feeling me again the week after that. The minute a man becomes inconsistent is the minute that I get turned off. Usually when a man is inconsistent its because he’s dating too many women, he’s married, or has a girlfriend. That’s cool if a man wants to do the whole pimp thing…I just can’t fuck witcha.
My friend just broke up with his girlfriend after a year of drama. I know him well and he has a good heart with good intentions. When he met the girl she was carrying a lot of baggage from her previous relationship. He figured that if he just showed her that he was a good guy then she’d let her guard down and everything would work out. Wrong. After a year she still didn’t trust him and she had a very nasty attitude towards him to the point where he couldn’t even talk to her. He was really into this girl and he was there for her when she needed him, he was always trying to work on the relationship, and he was consistent. After somebody has proved themself like that you should let your guard down.
I think consistency is the thin line between protecting yourself and being bitter. A person who’s protecting themself will let their guard down once a certain level of consistency is reached and a bitter person won’t let their guard down no matter what.
** This is a repost from my old Blogspot
As I was paying for my coffee at Dun.kin’ Dough.nuts this morning, the cashier, Hamri, stares at my credit card (left my debit card in an ATM and waiting on a new one) then says my name. Then he says "I see you tomorrow, K?" to which I replied, "you mean Monday? And that’s if I’m in the mood for coffee haha" He then says, *sly grin* "well, I can see you tomorrow still, no?" So I say, "only if you plan on dreaming about me, Hamri." So random and totally unexpected! LOL.
Two weeks from now I’m getting braces put on. Yesterday the orthodontist put some kind of spacers between my molars to make room for metal thingy that’s gonna go around my teeth and will serve as a sort of anchor for shifting all of my teeth. These shits are SO uncomfortable and I didn’t eat much yesterday b/c of it. It feels a lot better today but I’m thinking what the heck did I get myself into? Short term discomfort is worth the long term benefit. Gotta keep reminding myself.
I don’t really know what to say about my diet. I’m not eating 5-6x a day like I was, but I’m still overall making good choices. I say overall because this morning I had an egg/cheese crouisant which is far from healthy. I didn’t go grocery shopping so I’m out of fruit, applesauce, etc., and I can’t eat my energy bars b/c they’re too chewy and might make my spacers pop out. I’ll probably just have Minestrone soup for lunch and I plan on making some tofu, brown rice, veggies, with Hoisin sauce for dinner so I don’t feel too guilty about that crouisant. AND I’ve already been to the gym 3x this week and tomorrow will be the 4th. Instead of running for 25 mins I’m doing intervals. For the first 3 minutes I’ll walk at 4.0 mph w/ a 5% incline. The next 3 mins I’ll jog at 5.5 mph (no incline on the jog), followed by 3 mins at 6.0, then 3 mins at 6.5. 6.5 is a sprint for me and is very difficult at this point so I don’t push it any further than that. From that point I drop it back to 5.5 and work my way up again. Around the 20 min mark I’m exhausted and have to walk at 4.0 (with 5 % incline) again, then work my way back up. The 30 min mark = cool down then I’m done with cardio for the day. I slacked on the strength training last week so this week I’m slightly struggling with that again. It’s very hard to stick to that portion of my workout like I should! I’m trying though *sigh.*
Sometimes when I come to a conclusion about something/someone, I’ll stop, think about it, and observe a little bit more. What usually happens is that my initial thought was correct to begin with. I mentioned before that Don* is ‘good on paper,’ as Hostess would say. I really don’t meet tons of ‘good on paper’ guys so I didn’t want to just blow him off over a small thing…so I just observed a bit more. When we first went out I met him at the spot, which is fine because everybody doesn’t need to know where I live right away. By the 3rd outing or so, I expected him to offer to pick me up for our date. He was visiting his mom beforehand, who lives like 5-10 mins from me, plus we were headed to a couple of different places and driving around in two cars didn’t make sense to me. He didn’t offer so I met him at the art show…after that we planned to hit the movies. I asked if I could just leave my car at the art show venue and he could just drop me off at my car after the movie. He said, "I think we should take two cars." That didn’t sit well with me. I’ve never went to the movies in separate cars…who does that? So we went to the movies and when I got home I thought that I should cut him off because either he isn’t interested in me like that and/or the way he deals with women just doesn’t work for me and I should just move on either way. I have no desire for a buddy and I already have enough friends. I’m certain that I want to be in a relationship so there’s no point in giving too much of my attention to someone who isn’t on the same page.
So I asked him if he was just looking for a buddy, or a friend to hang out with and he said no. I told him that his actions say otherwise and laid out EVERYTHING that I just wrote about above. He said that he understood where I was coming from and that he is interested in me and blah blah blah. Fast forward a week or so and I have to meet him at some other spot and I end up paying for the date because he ‘forgot his wallet.’ He magically found his wallet not 5 minutes after getting into his car. The same wallet he didn’t seem THAT concerned about when he said he didn’t have it, which I called him on but he swore that he’s not that kind of guy. As if he’d say "yeah, K I lied about not having my wallet b/c I’m broke and/or just didn’t want to pay." I was gonna just up and disappear but after talking to him for 3 months or so, I figure that I’ll be nice and tell him why I’m disappearing before I pull a Whodini.
