So my ex-coworkers decide that we should meet up for one last happy hour shindig before I say goodbye. I invite another former cowoker who quit back in December because she’s so…fun. So, after I get tired of kickin’ it with the white people, the former coworker and I decide to head to a party that her friend Reg was having at his newly purchased home. We get to Reg’s house and I keep thinking how familiar his ass looks. I KNOW him from somewhere but can’t figure it out. Well, after the 3rd round of getting my ass kicked in Spades it dawns on me…this Reg is the same Reg that an old college friend used to date. Now he’s pursing my former coworker!
So once I make the connection I bring it to his attention and he tells me that he remembers me, and that he still talks to the old college friend, but that she stayed in Pittsburgh and is involved with some (loser) guy, and decided to buy a house there. Ew, Pittsburgh is the wackness. Anyway, what I remembered most about Reg is that he used to drive 6 hours from Philly to Pittsburgh rather frequently to see the old college friend…and she was NOT having sex with him. I asked him what made such a nice guy like him go out of his way for an immature chick who wasn’t even giving him any, nor was she willing to commit to the type of relationship he was looking for. He didn’t really have an answer. I remember trying to convince that girl to seriously consider Reg as a long-term mate. She would brag about all the things he would do for her despite him not getting any cho-cha from her. But really, he always struck me as a genuinely good guy that any woman with some damn sense would want to build with. I don’t ever meet guys like that but I’ll be damned if immature "let me see what I can get this dumb nigga to do for me" type chicks don’t pull those types all the time. So Reg and I talked about that for a bit and I told my friend/ex coworker whom he’s currently interested in to forget her dumb ass, non-commital baby-daddy and grab ahold of this guy — he’s really a good one. I hope my advice is heeded this time!
damn..I was finna tell u to scoop Reg up for yourself..lol
Comment by V — February 10, 2007 @ 8:48 am
My friend told me that guys who treat women like crap usually get more out of a relationship than the guys who play nice. He said some women are just not intrigued by men who don’t show signs of physical abuse capabilities. For him to mess with her that long without getting any proves one of two points - there are men out there who can wait, or men always have someone they’re physically involved with when their women aren’t giving them any!
Comment by heartdrops — February 12, 2007 @ 10:43 am
To be candid, in my experience I’ve found that (dare I say it) many/most women do not respond well to well intentioned men. I’ve been around too long to not know that this is in fact true. I mean, I’ve known women who belly ache about the supposed lack of marriageable men, but let them get with a decent dude, they run them into the ground. But catch a cat that will bust a chick upside the head, and the broad will be superduper in love with dude and show major repect. Go figure!?!? Insanity at it’s best..
Comment by MistaO — February 12, 2007 @ 12:10 pm
MistaO…it’s funny that you should say that. My girl friend and I were just discussing the opposite, so instead of women only being attracted to guys who would go upside their heads, it’s the MEN looking for a crazy ass woman. We came to that agreement when we looked at our past relationships and discovered that the men acted better when we were being bitchy and they acted like asses when we were nice. It didn’t happen like that ALL the time, but those relationships didn’t last, so. Ladies, back me up on this. Things never seem to align properly…whack.
Comment by Carmen — February 12, 2007 @ 1:54 pm
Yeah, it brings up the chicken/egg argument. Some men live to be Cap’n Save a Ho. Always pursuing women w/ issues hoping to “prove” to them that everybody ain’t like their baby daddy. His plan inevitably fails and he likens himself to a nice guy that finished last. That is no different from women who get with losers b/c they think they can “upgrade” him. Beyonce is leading mofos astray LOL.
Comment by Administrator — February 12, 2007 @ 7:21 pm
I have to second what Administrator said. I think your friend is trying to save this chick, and she can’t be saved. But this also means that he isn’t all that anyways. What attractive man do you know that his sh*t completely together and would waste his time on a chickenhead? I don’t know any, which leads me to believe that Reg isn’t as together as he leads others to believe.
Administrator = me. You do have a good point!
Comment by Jamila Akil — February 14, 2007 @ 1:17 am
Whoa Carmen, slow your roll on that one! Trust me, speaking as a man, when a woman acts all bitchy, as you put it, the man may appear compliant but in all actuality the clock is now ticking. The clock is ticking on just when he’s gonna leave her azz!!! It may appear that he is ‘in line’ but trust me on this one, that’s the VERY LAST way you can keep a man. Key word is man. Not too many real men are going to put up with a mouthy disrespectful woman.
I agree with you here.
However, why can’t the converse be true? You said in an earlier comment that some women don’t respond positively to well-intentioned men — wouldn’t it follow that these aren’t “women” but, merely girls? And if this is indeed the case, why would a “nice guy” waste his time/energy on them?
And to be honest here, seems like today many women have erroneously bought into this sentiment and actually think that this is the route to getting and keeping a man. If you think I’m wrong here ask yourself what then accounts for the abysmal marriage and divorce rates in many of our homes today? Not saying it’s all on the woman, of course, but I’ve seen (and dealt with a couple) of cases where the woman actually thought this was the proper way to behave in a relationship, then sat stunned when dude checked out! Bit of advice my Father gave me growing up which turned out to be very true. Pop’s told me that prior to seriously getting with (of course he didn’t use this terminology) a woman, make sure she is from an intact family and review how she interacts and treats her Father. He adivsed that this would be key to having a happy home as how the woman related to her father will be indicative of how she will interact with me. This is kind of along the same line for women. You know the old saying about how a man treats his mother…. Same holds true for men. Now consider the fact that ‘we’ are (and have been) suffering from a severe lack of in tact families for at least going on two generations now, and it’s no wonder many women today do not really know how to be in a relationship with a man. Sadly, the same negative impact of the lack of fathers in the home that leads many Black men to the jailhouses, has another whole set of impacts upon our female children as well. I really believe that many of our issues today can be directly traced back to the breakdown and subsequent destruction of the Black family.
I’m always hearing about how what women have done affects marriages/divorce (or lack thereof), but rarely do I hear about what men have done — aside from jailbirds (but they really don’t count cuz they ain’t marriageable, nor do they represent a majority).
If it’s true that many women don’t know how to be in a relationship with a man, then the same definitely holds true for men. I’ve met more than my share of selfish, non-commital, verbally abusive, “I’m a Black man with a degree and a stable career therefore all Black women should be kissing my feet because I’m the best thing since sliced bread” types.
A lot of these problems are due to broken homes, and a lot of them are culturally accepted because I see some of the same characteristics from people who come from intact families. I was reading this earlier and I think you’d appreciate it: http://www.photius.com/feminocracy/facts_on_fatherless_kids.html This is something that you have to read carefully, as they are promoting their own agenda, but it’s pretty interesting.
At this point I understand the pathologies associated with broken homes and will do everything I can to ensure that my kids don’t go through that. Not sure what the solution is regarding people who are now adults and grew up in broken homes.
Comment by MistaO — February 14, 2007 @ 1:23 pm
Good on you sis on telling your friend that this guy is a keeper.
And it’s good to know that there are brothers out there who will still treat a woman right. It’s sad that Reg was treated that way and I hope he finds a good woman who will appreciate him.
Because let the stereotype of the good girl wanting the bad boy be burned out of everyone’s mind. There are strong, intelligent, beautiful women who want NOTHING to do with men who don’t look after themselves, their families, their women. Those are not men.
Those are boys.
Comment by ms. complexity — February 14, 2007 @ 5:33 pm
MistaO…naw, man. I’m not talking about a woman that is being bitchy just because that’s her personality. I’m talking about anytime throughout the relationship when she’s having a bad day or whatever, and she’s not necessarily being her normal self…she’s in a bitchy mood.
I don’t have a bitchy personality, but when I like someone and he seemingly likes me, and then he goes through spells where he’s acting like he doesn’t want to be bothered with me, even when I’m being a little extra nice, that hurts my feelings. That, in turn, puts me in a bad mood and as SOON as I start acting like I don’t give a shit about him acting stank towards me…HERE he comes all up in my face. It never fails, and THAT’s what I don’t like. IT makes no sense to me, and it’s frustrating. That’s what I was talking about. I can’t say for sure why folks act the way they do in relationships, or why they choose to be with whomever they are with. I can just speak for myself and my experiences with men.
I’m not the “put my man in line” type of woman because I cannot be with someone I feel like I have to scold as though he were a child. If I feel like a man wants me to pull tricks out the bag just to keep him around, then I know he’s not the one for me. If he’s not around me because he just likes to be around me, then he’s not the one for me. Realizing that is the number 1 reason why I’m happily single and in no hurry to be get involved again in that way.:)
Comment by Carmen — February 15, 2007 @ 10:57 pm
Carmen, P-R-E-A-C-H!
Comment by heartdrops — February 16, 2007 @ 4:55 pm