k.unwrapped

It’s about 8 pm and I REALLY want some pink grapefruit juice but of course there’s none in the fridge. I hop in the car and drive about a half mile to Wawa. The “low fuel” indicator keeps buzzing all the way there. As I leave Wawa I say to myself, hmmm maybe I should get gas. Nah, I still have a quarter tank left despite that stupid low fuel thingy…it can wait til morning.

*Zooms past gas station*

About a block later my car goes “putt-putt-putt” and just stops…on a very busy street that also happens to be on a bus route. I immediately turn on my hazards yet idiots sit behind me instead of going around.

Let me call Mr. Dad (my stepdad) and ask him what to do. Oops left the cell phone on my bed!

I turn off the car and restart it. “Putt-Putt” then nothing. Did I just run out of gas??? *Disbelief* I get out of the car and walk across the street to a Wendy’s to see if I could use a phone. Before I get inside I change my mind and decide to walk down to the gas station, hoping that they’d have one of those gas containers that I could fill up. Two guys riding through Wendy’s drive-thru ask if I need some help. Thank God. I tell them that I think I’ve run out of gas and they offer to push my car down the hill to the gas station. The one guy actually gets in the car, puts it in neutral, and makes a U-turn, then just maneuvers it down the hill to the gas station that I’d JUST passed. Once in the gas station they physically push it over to the pump.

Going forward when my car says “get fuel dumbass” I’ll listen!

One of the guys helping me with my car, an older Jamaican guy, asked if I was married. *sigh* I wanted to lie because he’s SO not my type. I ended up giving him my number and he’s called  four times already – this all just happened last night. I should have said “I appreciate your help but I’m not interested.” We’ll definitely be having that conversation today though.

So my ex-coworkers decide that we should meet up for one last happy hour shindig before I say goodbye. I invite another former cowoker who quit back in December because she’s so…fun. So, after I get tired of kickin’ it with the white people, the former coworker and I decide to head to a party that her friend Reg was having at his newly purchased home. We get to Reg’s house and I keep thinking how familiar his ass looks. I KNOW him from somewhere but can’t figure it out. Well, after the 3rd round of getting my ass kicked in Spades it dawns on me…this Reg is the same Reg that an old college friend used to date. Now he’s pursing my former coworker!

So once I make the connection I bring it to his attention and he tells me that he remembers me, and that he still talks to the old college friend, but that she stayed in Pittsburgh and is involved with some (loser) guy, and decided to buy a house there. Ew, Pittsburgh is the wackness. Anyway, what I remembered most about Reg is that he used to drive 6 hours from Philly to Pittsburgh rather frequently to see the old college friend…and she was NOT having sex with him. I asked him what made such a nice guy like him go out of his way for an immature chick who wasn’t even giving him any, nor was she willing to commit to the type of relationship he was looking for. He didn’t really have an answer. I remember trying to convince that girl to seriously consider Reg as a long-term mate. She would brag about all the things he would do for her despite him not getting any cho-cha from her. But really, he always struck me as a genuinely good guy that any woman with some damn sense would want to build with. I don’t ever meet guys like that but I’ll be damned if immature "let me see what I can get this dumb nigga to do for me" type chicks don’t pull those types all the time. So Reg and I talked about that for a bit and I told my friend/ex coworker whom he’s currently interested in to forget her dumb ass, non-commital baby-daddy and grab ahold of this guy — he’s really a good one. I hope my advice is heeded this time!

My mom has been away on business all week so I’ve been going over to her apartment to check on the cats everyday. I didn’t make it over there til late tonight and realized that they needed more food so I walked across the street to the corner store to get whatever they might have. I see a teenaged boy standing in front of the store like he’s waiting for something…but since it’s 20 degrees outside he looks rather suspect. He says: "excuse me miss, could you buy me a loosie?" I laugh and say hell no. I’m not gonna be some kid’s smoking accomplice! He then says: "well I’m 18 — I just forgot my ID." I just shake my head and keep it moving. I’m not sure how I feel about being called "Miss," either.

I’ve just been enjoying my time off this week, as unexciting as it’s been. My last day at the old gig was Tuesday so I’ve just been chillin. I made it to the gym before the after-work crowd, I finally made it to the bank with that bin full of loose change I’ve had for a while (I was hoping for $20 bucks but it ended up being $70…I felt like I hit the jackpot — it went straight to savings of course ), took my ‘interview suit’ to the cleaners, and tomorrow I’m getting a deep-tissue massage (courtesy of a giftcard from my former coworkers ).

My 17 yr old cousin complains that her parents don’t give her an allowance. My response? Get a job. I don’t recall ever getting an allowance. My mom stopped buying me stuff by the time I was 15 so I got off my ass and found a job vacuuming at an office building 10 hrs a week. My next job was at Wendy’s, which I suffered through for a whole year so I could pay for school clothes, class dues, college application fees, prom (Mom & Mr. Dad did chip in though), etc. One night, while I was working the drive-thru, one of the managers printed a receipt of how much money I’d made on the cash register during the first hour of my shift. I’ll never forget it — $567 dollars. I suppose the manager expected me to beam with pride, but all I could think was, yall mofos just made $567 dollars and only paid me $5.15??? From that point, if I had any doubts before, I KNEW I was going to college then.

Of course I won’t make my kid work to pay for things they need (but they WILL work), but I don’t understand how some of these kids are old enough to comprehend that their parents are poor and/or undependable, yet they still have these high expectations. I expect that from a 10 yr old, but not a 17 yr old.

1. Never admit that you’re wrong, even when presented with facts and/or evidence to the contrary.

2. If your opponent exposes a hole in your argument, or if they express an idea truly worth considering, completely ignore it, or dismiss it as being off-topic.

     2a. If that doesn’t work, vehemently dispute a random idea that your opponent presented 6 months ago or hasn’t presented at all (straw man argument).

3. Kill ‘em with semantics. When in doubt, just reword your argument to make yourself right. You can never be wrong if you keep your opponent confused. It keeps them on their toes.

4. Always maintain a condescending tone. No matter how illogical, thoughtless, or just plain stupid your idea is, by maintaining an air of condescension, you make yourself feel more intelligent than you actually are.

5. If your opponent is a woman, always remind her that her thought process and/or method of communication is inherently inferior to yours. Always throw in “you’re illogical and emotional” for good measure. Forget that men’s proported ability to ’keep emotions in check’ is likely the reason that most, if not all, serial killers are male.

The well-written ad

It’s a well-known company and the position description sounds outstanding. You apply and eventually get a call and you’re excited to go in for the first interview. You get there and find that the position description was severly embellished. The salary is extremely under market, your would-be work area is situated in the basement, and the turn-over rate is astronomical. As you’re being shown around, you’re not quite sure, but you think that you may have seen a rat in your peripheral view. Overall, your level of excitement drops from 10 to -53.

Rinse and repeat x 10

While Your Qualifications Are Certainly Impressive…

A friend refers you to a position and the qualifications seem to suit you perfectly. Finally!

After being on the market so long, and rarely finding anything that suits you, it’s refreshing and exciting to receive that call. Once you arrive for the first interview you’re even MORE impressed and want the job that much more. You mutually agree to take the job on a probationary basis so that you both may explore other options, and perhaps a more permanent fit within this company.

After some time, you’ve clearly proven that you’re more than qualified and you’re ready to explore a more permanent option with this company because the other options just don’t compare. After all, not only is this a great company but the benefits include the opportunity to become partner within a short timeframe. And the salary will actually put you in a higher tax bracket! The company is supportive of it’s employees. In turn, the turn-over rate is extremely low because employees can appreciate a good thing. And advancement opportunities are beyond anything you’d ever imagined!

Unfortunately, the employer decides not to give you a more permanent contract. They decide to go with another candidate who may or may not be more qualified than you, but whatever the case, the hiring manager feels that they are a better fit.