Blogsome is trippin’ today…I’ve been trying to post this for HOURS. Sheesh.
I was watching Talk Sex w/ Sue Jo last night [Why is it that black girls named ‘Keisha’ always call the show with dumb ass questions? "When a man cheats, does his scrotum hang lower?" LOL] and chatting on AIM when I got a message from my friend Ree. This is the same friend who was fighting her bf while I was in the car a few months ago (for the readers of my last blog). The same one who got pregnant after that incident and is now carrying twins. She asked if I was still awake and I knew a favor request was coming. She asked if I could pick her up and take her to her mom’s house. She said that she and the bf weren’t physically fighting but she’s just sick of him. I was thinking that she was just leaving for the night but she busts out the house with all these bags. I’m not one to pry so it took a lot to bite my tongue.
She said that a lot of things go on between them that she doesn’t talk about and that he makes her miserable. Miserable is a very strong word! There are so many things that I wanted to say but I didn’t. Firstly, after that fight in the car they should’ve went their separate ways. Secondly, having a baby has to be a mutual decision. Yes she told him that she stopped taking her pills and he went raw dog anyway. But he said that he’s not ready to have children. She totally disregarded that (sure he’s not innocent b/c he was aware of her wanting to get preggers…but a woman knows that the responsibility falls on her whether he bails or not) all while complaining that he doesn’t fulfill his role of ‘man of the house.’ Maybe she thought that the prospect of being a father would make him step up. Regardless, she’s known him for many years so she knows who she was dealing with. Knowing that, she can only blame herself for the situation that she’s in. I think she now knows this though, and I won’t have to say a word.
I spoke to another friend (Lynn) about the situation. She told me that Ree most likely decided to have a baby b/c she wants something to love that will always love her back. Lynn said that that was the very reason that she had her daughter when she did – love from men is fleeting but her child will always be there. She’s found herself and now knows that she made a mistake…she loves her baby but she should’ve searched inside (or up above) for fulfillment.
I wonder if I can see my own mistakes and woulda/coulda/shouldas as easily as someone else’s. I got a call from someone in my past…someone that if soul mates exist, he was it. Unfortunately, he chose to pursue a relationship with someone who isn’t me. He called me recently after a long hiatus and told me that he felt that we had a strong connection on many levels, and knowing this, it has delayed his proposal to his live-in girlfriend. I didn’t say anything. I just listened because in my mind, if he wanted to be with me, he would have a long time ago. I’ve said this to him in the past. I know that if I would’ve said it again it would’ve led to an argument…arguments that can’t lead to a resolution aren’t my style.
When I relayed the situation to some folks, one (male) friend said, “He’s an asshole.” Another said, “He ain’t shit.” LOL, definitely a woman’s response. It’s hard for me to see him as an asshole in the same way I would if he were someone that I never had feelings for…but really, that’s exactly what he is. For all I know they could already be married and he just wants me to be wrapped up in him again for his own selfish reasons. Over the past two years we’ve talked from time to time but our conversations usually consisted solely of work, family, friends, goals, etc. I mean, we’ve known each other since high school.
Over the past few years I didn’t ask about his relationship and he didn’t speak about it. At first I used to ask why he chose some goal-less 2 baby daddy having chick over me…I never got an answer but eventually got over it. It’s so easy for me to tell someone else to cut all communication but I’ll be damned if that isn’t hard as hell for me to do.
Yesterday I was reading this article about people with poor coping skills. These are people who feel that they have no control over a situation when in reality they own it. When an obstacle gets in their way, instead of readjusting to deal with and eventually conquer it, they give up and accept the hand that they are dealt. Sometimes I see those qualities in myself and I don’t like it one bit. Honestly, my life isn’t that hard, unless I choose to make it so.
