Don’t say ‘I love you’ first. I had a friend once who told a guy that she loved him and his response was ‘thanks.’ You don’t want to be on the receiving end of that so let the man say it first.
I started writing this entry a few months back, then abandoned it for some reason. That said, I have NO idea where the above quote came from.
Anyway, that kind of advice does nothing to help women. Hearing "thanks" in response to "I love you" is hardly the end of the world. As adults, we need to understand that sometimes we have feelings for people that aren’t mutual and vice versa (I would’ve been a bit salty though, lol). Furthermore, that kind of advice is telling women that we shouldn’t take risks and should avoid rejection at all costs. But we have common sense and we should use it. We also must trust our judgement in dating situations.
If you tell someone that you love them, it should be because you actually feel that way, not because you expect them to feel the same way or to hear it in return. You definitely shouldn’t settle for a one-sided relationship, but if it’s somewhat early into your relationship, give the person time to reach your emotional level. That’s where common sense comes in. Love is an action word so you will know if the man is falling for you (or if he isn’t interested) based on how he treats you.
I wouldn’t suggest being an aggressive woman but a friend told me he digs that so to each his own. Holding back for fear of rejection isn’t helpful either.
Myth 1: Men don’t know how to behave in a relationship. It is up to a woman to be patient and "teach" him how to treat her.
On an episode of "Roseanne," Roseanne tries to convince Jackie to marry a man who demands that she quit her job as a cop as a condition of marriage. But Jackie wants a husband like Dan, who is considerate and understanding. Roseanne tells Jackie that it took years of hard work…Dan didn’t come out of the package pre-assembled.
It only works that way in TV Land folks. I know that we’ve all heard that you subconsciously teach someone how to treat you by what you accept (and don’t) from your mate. And I agree %150. However, there isn’t a man walking this earth who doesn’t know that if he’s in a committed relationship,
- He should stop ‘messing around’ with his ex
- He should call if he’s going to cancel a date
- Spending time with him and his friends does not = quality time for the two of you
- Collecting phone numbers & going on dates with other women is off-limits
Some women might say, "but this is his first serious relationship and he’s learning." If that’s true then OJ didn’t do it and his new book truly is ‘fiction.’ [end sarcasm]
He may try to play dumb, but trust and believe, he’s just trying to see what you’ll allow him to get away with.
Myth 2: Things may be a little rocky in the beginning, but things will change.
Not gonna happen. If you’re in the early stages of dating and he’s always "busy," gives you excuses as to why he can’t return your calls, two years from now things will be the same. If you’re unfortunate enough to make it past dating, and into relationship territory, you will always feel like an afterthought with him. At that point do not complain or try to change him. Either accept it or find someone else who’s less "busy."
Myth 3: A man can completely fool you/you’re a victim.
How often are women completely blindsided by men? In the times that things didn’t work out due to some shadiness on his part, can we honestly say that we didn’t see the signs but chose to ignore them? Or that we gave the benefit of doubt?
That doesn’t mean that a man is excused for being an asshole, nor should we stop giving the benefit of doubt. However, common sense and discretion should be our guide.
Myth 4: A man should accept you for who you are.
Not necessarily. Are you the best you that you can be? Are you difficult? How are your character, mind, appearance, and treatment of people in your life? You should be accepted for who you are, but not if you’re crazy…unless you’re Jackie Christie — crazy seems to work for her.
I LOVE this post…(you’re welcome) AHAHA nah really though. my ex said thank you when i said “I love you” though after 8 months, I really didnt think it took that long to love me back. Plus like you said, actions didnt match the “action word” You cant ‘train a man’ to a certain extent though. If he’s with you and fuckin around, all he’s gonna learn is better ways to cover his ass LOL. My friend is having issues with a man, and i told her if its shitty in the first two weeks, it aint gonna get any better. And on “accept you for who you are” you were totally on point with that, i have nothing to add LOL…like i said, i loved this post!
Comment by Peach — November 16, 2006 @ 3:36 pm
This post was insightful. I tried for years to change someone into what I thought they should be. Didn’t work. Even with him trying to change,he’d always revert back to his original self once I wasn’t “mad” anymore. I do believe we can all change/improve in some areas, question is do we feel we need to make those changes and whether we are willing to for that particular individual. And I don’t believe you have to teach folks how to treat you. At this stage in the game, we should all have common sense.
Comment by Serenity23 — November 16, 2006 @ 4:54 pm
Damn…for a second there, i was a little nervous; i saw that you had TWO new posts and had to make sure i hadn’t fallen too far behind in reading. But i guess I should’ve known better.:p
I agree with this post..um..maybe a 100 percent. I’ve realized this a long time ago, and that’s why I’m where I am today; still single..lol. That’s ok, though…at least i’m not a miserable bag lady.:)
Take care…and good job on the updates. *giggles*
Comment by Carmen — November 16, 2006 @ 9:19 pm
I appreciate that you guys dig this post!
@ Carmen - I’ve been trying lol. Hey wait a minute…when’s the last time YOU updated? hehe
Comment by Administrator — November 16, 2006 @ 9:31 pm
See!! These are the types of lessons we need to teach our young girls. Instead of teaching them that the end all be all is to get a man. Companionship is cool. But not at any cost.
Comment by Hostess — November 17, 2006 @ 2:47 pm
OK so like, can you correct the way I spelled my name?? Pleeeeese?!
THAT was a must lol
Comment by Hostess — November 17, 2006 @ 5:28 pm
Fabulous post. Wish I could have read this 10 to 15 years ago.
Comment by Honest — November 19, 2006 @ 8:20 pm
Myth #3 is particularly important for women to stop repeating. How many times have you seen a woman date a man for years and then when they finally break-up she can list the 1001 reasons why she knew it was never going to last anyway, starting with the fact that she found out he had 4 kids by 4 different women on their first date….and she still continued to date him!!!
Comment by SmartBlkWoman — November 19, 2006 @ 8:32 pm
Good post but women need to remember some other stuff too. First off, relationships are a two way street, just as many worthless females out here as are dudes! Secondly, someone else said this but it takes two to sustain a relationship but only one to break it. I think that is so true. Sadly, what with the way our society has fallen so far off track, I don’t see a lot for single or young folk to look forward to, relationship wise. Seems far too many folks into hoeism and pimpology it’s a shame.
Comment by MistaO — November 20, 2006 @ 12:43 pm