k.unwrapped

I was cruising Philly.com like I do every morning and came across this headline: Single dad of 5 kids shot dead in W. Philly. I was curious as to what the spin would be on this article. It’s not PC to discuss the race of the victim (and suspects) so it’s always amusing to me to see how they tell you the person’s race using other identifiers, and how they’re passively critical of the article’s main person of interest.

"He was a real, legitimate father. He was a rarity." (victim’s friend/colleague)

"He was the type of person who took care of his family…” (victim’s brother)

"He cooked meals for them and washed their clothes…" and "He always took good care of them. You don’t find nobody like that." (mother of 4 of victim’s children)

Who knew that being a “legitimate father” was a rarity? Even if I believed it, I wouldn’t let any man in my life hear me say it. I expect ANY man, regardless of race and age, to be a legitimate father. End of story. There’s no reason to let him think for a minute that anything less would be acceptable. What does this article say about expectations of Black men? Also, how can you NOT expect anything from someone, then pretend to be surprised when you get nothing from said person? Some women plan to be single mothers before they even get pregnant! That’s understandable if you went to a sperm bank…but if you’re in an adult relationship why set the bar one inch above the ground?

I always feel sad when I read about murder victims in the news but within weeks, I find that the victim was an entrepreneur…CEO of the Crack & Heroin Discount Outlet, or a woman romantically involved with one of those types. At that point, it’s hard for me to be sympathetic unless the victim is a child.

Forcing opinions on others can be very rude therefore I try to stay away from it. However, I feel that people are always forcing their mediocrity on me. I’m currently looking for a new job and all I’m getting from people is, “why? Your job pays xx and it’s a good job so why are you leaving?” These were the same people saying “you don’t need to go to college” when I was 18. STFU please! If I have a goal for something better, how in the world could you,a so-called loved, one try to discourage me from that? Just thinking about those conversations makes me want to punch a wall.

Dear Asshole,

Why must you run over me? I understand that you’re in a rush to get to work…but must you walk up behind me at 20mph, nearly knocking me over? There’s at least 5 feet of sidewalk to the left of me that’s yours for the taking…yet you must walk EXACTLY where I’m walking…brush past me abrubtly, and not even say "excuse me." I hope you get hit by a car, bastard!!!

P.S. Why do people cross busy intersections against red lights, barely avoiding getting run over by Mack trucks, all because they’re 3 minutes late to work? Relax, you’re already late so why rush? Well, that’s my motto LOL.

I hate getting out of bed in the morning…especially on cold days like this. I’m usually getting up just 20-30 minutes before I have to leave for work, rushing to shower, dress and get out of the house on time. It’s cliché but I’m truly not a morning person. Somehow I’ve managed to get my lazy ass out of bed at 5:40am to hit the gym for the past two days. This is my new daily routine because I’m just not motivated to fight with traffic to go to an overcrowded gym after work. I’ve been trying to maintain my 3-4x a week routine since I left school last year but can’t seem to keep the momentum going. Virtually having the road to myself, and not having to wait in line for equipment is a huge motivator! The downside is that I have to go to bed at 10…I haven’t done that since I was 13 and that’s because my mom made me.

I was invited to a wedding on Saturday (it was absolutely beautiful) by my ex college roommate Key. I was seated next to her uncle at the reception and he spent the whole evening marketing his 3 single sons to me. I’d met 2 of them previously and had no interest…but when I met number 3 wheeew. He was a groomsman and his cream tux complimented the hell out of his chocolate complexion…and his smile…and his cleanly shaved head…and well, you get the point. We chatted it up a bit before he asked for my number. I asked Key to give me the scoop on him because he’s her cousin and her family is very close. She told me that he has a stable job, his own place, and is “nice.” She also said, “he got in trouble a while back for some things he did as a teen but he’s doing well now.” I lived with her for 2 years, have known her for 3+ so I figured that all was good. He called me last night and I found that he’s 31, on probation (after a 4 yr bid!) and has no LEGAL job. I’m not quite sure where “nice” fits into this equation. I will be calling Key later to find out! *deletes number*

My friend Mimi had been bugging me to call this guy named Brock that I met at a get-together her sister had a couple of weeks ago. Brock was cool (too bad I had to kick his ass at the Spades table LOL) but I’m just not in the dating mindset right now I guess. Apparently he told her to give me his number… so I saved it in my phone. Nearly two weeks had gone by and I still hadn’t used it.

Why oh why did I call him? Firstly, when I asked for him he responded with a very NASTY “WHO is this?” My initial thought was that he must have female drama and is concerned that somebody might be playing on his phone. I tell him who I am and that the way he answered the phone was SUSPECT. I said it in a joking way but I was kind of serious. And like I suspected, he’s had “women” playing on his phone. Secondly, I asked him how he was doing and he said, “I’m good. I just had to call DHS on my son’s mom because she let her gay brother baby-sit him. She’s bipolar—but not officially diagnosed—and I want my son here with me. But don’t think that I have drama though!” I asked him if he thought we were having a normal conversation for people who just met b/c if that’s not drama then I don’t want know what he thinks drama is LOL. *deletes number*

If anybody out there thinks that they’re a match-maker…please stay the hell away from me. Thanks.

Job interviews exist soley to increase my heart rate and tear my stomach apart. I have gotten much better with them lately though. I had one this morning that went really well. Usually I can never seem to relax during the interview but today was different. *crosses fingers* Why did I get lost twice for a drive that’s only 30 minutes? Hopefully I’ll be putting in my two weeks’ notice REAL soon. For the most part I like my job but the problem is that it’s just a job. There’s no room for me to grow and I’m not interested in gov’t finance AT ALL. My degree is in Information Science and the new job *crosses fingers* is very much related to that. I won’t name the company but it’s really high on the Fortune 500 list…can you say salary upgrade and free grad school? *crosses fingers*

Other than that there’s nothing new really going on with me. I’m not dating anyone…the last guy got the boot some time ago b/c I just don’t get along with passive-aggressive and overall negative type dudes. I recently realized that I don’t have enough patience with the whole dating thing. This has nothing to do with the last guy (he had more personality issues than any man I’ve ever met…good riddens) - just in general. I can’t do the “let’s be friends and just see where it goes” thing unless the guy is showing me that he’s interested. If he says he’s interested but his actions show the opposite, I just don’t see any reason to be bothered with him AT ALL. That’s like hitting up the casino with my emotions but um, I DO NOT GAMBLE. That stuff is only appealing to me when I’m not particularly interested in the guy. 

My mom seems to think that I have hundreds of dollars to let her “borrow” to pay her rent. I really don’t understand why she thinks I have money. I told her that I didn’t have it so later that day she left a guilt-trip message on my voicemail. "After all I’ve done for you blah blah blah I did it on my own with no help from your father blah blah blah I see that I can’t count on you blah blah blah." That shit PISSED me off and my first thought was "well you should’ve had an abortion bitch." I’m extremely tolerant when it comes to family but that really made me angry. My mother has NEVER seen me angry. I took some time and thought about it before I called her back. I not-so-calmly explained to her that she knows my salary (and it’s quite a bit LESS than hers) and I don’t appreciate her leaving me messages like that. She apologized and that was that.

She could actually pay her bills on time if she made a budget and stuck to it even LOOSELY. She constantly buys things she can’t afford, shops, and a whole bunch of things that I sacrifice so that I can live within my means…yet she feels that I owe her money that I don’t even have. I’m definitely buying her this for Christmas. She won’t listen to me but maybe seeing it in black-and-white will have some effect. I’m not persuasive and have trouble expressing my displeasure at an idea or action without being an asshole. I’m really working on that.

I finally have my phone

Before I buy anything techish, I always check out Cnet.com for product reviews and user opinions. Yesterday I was checking out reviews of a couple different Cingular phones. I just want a phone that’s kind of cute, has good call quality, battery life, durability, and reasonable pricing. That’s really it.

One user opined, “this phone has great call quality, it’s stylish, and has lots of features but don’t waste your money on it because it doesn’t come with a 5x digital camera with quadruple zoom, usb connectors, and an astrazoid 3000 level mp3 player.” Um…we’re talking about a phone man. Does it REALLY need to be equipped with technology that’s not useful for what phones are made for: MAKING CALLS? Other complaints range from "the buttons are a little too small" to "the voice recorder is only 60 seconds long" with no mention of the things that matter i.e. dropped calls. LOL people kill me sometimes.

I ordered this one but when I took it out of the box it looked and felt like cheap plastic…and when I made a call I could barely hear the person on the other end. I’m SURE I’d have to replace it within a year so I sent that crap back. I think I’m gonna go with this one. It has some bells and whistles but I’ve heard good things about the call quality and it seems durable…plus it’s on sale

In response the my Dreams post, Jarrod Halsey wrote:

Two words. Stay single. Its like Katt Williams said. “Its not that all men ain’t sh*t. Its that all the men you attract ain’t sh*t. Maybe you need to step back, be single, and reassess your sh*t. Figure out what it is about you that keeps attracting ain’t sh*t niggas.”

I fail to see how this comment relates to that post AT ALL (I think he skimmed the entry then hit "post comment" too quickly…or he just wanted to use that Katt Williams quote, no matter how out of place it was lol). But I stil had to respond to such a bold statement. I think the ideas that one should look inside themselves for 1) self improvement and 2) assess their role in each failed relationship are wonderful. However, the assertion that a woman can somehow control who is attracted to her is cloaked in bitterness. Men who say this are the very same ones who, when asked why they’re single respond with "nice guys finish last" or "women don’t want nice guys." How is it that women need to look inside themselves to see why they attract "ain’t shit niggas" yet when men can’t find a good woman it’s women’s fault too? Why doesn’t this man stop and say, "there must be something inside me that attracts women who aren’t into nice guys?" Furthermore, what makes YOU so damn nice?

If anything, it doesn’t matter who you attract. Women get approached by all types of men on the subway, at the gym, church, the club, etc. What matters is who a woman is attracted to, and who she’d invest time in. If Jarrod would have said something to to the effect of, you need to figure out what it is about "ain’t shit niggas" that attracts YOU, it would’ve held merit. Something else to consider, what is it about women who aren’t into nice guys that attracts ME?

A few years ago my friend Lynn met this guy at a new church that she joined. It was a student-oriented church that was born on her college campus - he was a preacher there and a student at her school. They were friends for a short while, and then one day he sat her down and told her that he believed God sent her to be his wife. Lynn was already in a relationship (w/ a fresh-out-of-jail thief smh) and she felt weird about the way he approached her.  I suggested that she go for it…some women just aren’t good at choosing men…AT ALL. At the time, she was the type who would be in a relationship with any abusive loser just to be in a relationship. If you’re going to go about relationships that way, why not choose a young preacher with a lot going for him? She declined his offer out of allegiance to Thief Dude (whom she barely knew).

Shortly thereafter, she graduated and was pregnant by Thief Dude while Preacher Dude married some other chick.

Meanwhile, the church is growing and drawing lots of young (under 25) members. Lynn’s boyfriend gets arrested and sentenced to a LONG prison term for…you guessed it…robbery. Preacher Dude and his wife have a child of their own, and occasionally he mentions that his wife doesn’t have to work because he provides for all of her needs. Lynn is green with envy and sick with regret. If only she had made a smarter choice and chosen Preacher Dude…she certainly wouldn’t be a single mother struggling to make ends meet now.

Fast forward to September 2006. The church fell apart because the majority of the members left because as it turns out, Preacher Dude was laying the pipe all up and through the sanctuary. One of the women he’s rumored to have been getting down with recently had an abortion that he supposedly funded. It’s just a whole bunch of mess.

Since Thief Dude’s trip “Up State,” Lynn’s evolved from that girl who would settle for any man that comes her way. She made the right choice after all. Regret is not your friend. You just never know what could be going on in someone’s household despite how pretty things may look to outsiders. Once you make a decision you just have to accept it and move forward…you made that decision for a reason.