k.unwrapped

But it’s time to say goodbye. Since I ditched Blogger a few years ago, they’ve upgraded to a more user-friendly interface (they even auto-save your posts as you’re typing!). Blogger and I are getting back together…yeah I’m sometimey like that, ha! My new spot: http://k-unwrapped.blogspot.com

One minute I’m ready to quit my job, the next minute I like it. One minute I want to relocate…well, uh, I still plan to relocate. I was looking over my resume yesterday and it sort of resembles trash. Two years out of school, 1.5 years at the last gig, 6 months at the current gig…hmm I’m thinking that I should stay put for a bit so that my resume can at least look like something. I’m currently a consultant for a contractor. I’m seeing some VERY interesting dynamics going on, especially since I work at a client site. Firstly, the client employees kind of look at us funny b/c we were hired in part to save money on employee benefits. So they’re kind of looking at us like we’re illegal aliens — driving down the cost of labor so that the employer doesn’t have to pay top $$$. On top of that we’re under extra scrutiny and held to a higher standard than the client employees that do the exact same jobs as we do (excluding the extra responsibilities that come our way). On the other hand, the work environment is more relaxed and working after 5pm is pretty much unheard of…I LOVE that LOL. I guess I’ll stick it out at least until I hit the one year mark, then start plotting my relocation.

This is going to be one hell of a year. My mom is not slated to return from Iraq until next July. My brother will have to choose a high school within the next couple of months, and my sister has to start thinking about colleges. I don’t think she’s completely sold on college but we’re halfway there. She’s a junior now and I’m trying to line up some campus tours for this fall to get her in that mode. She finally started getting the college thing in her head when we ran into my old middle school best friend. My sister and I were headed to my mom’s to pick up some things before she headed off to Iraq and we saw this friend who I’ll call Fatou. Fatou and I have been in and out of touch since my first year of college but from 7th grade til then we were attached at the hip.

I remember when 12th grade rolled around and  we talked about the SATs and Fatou didn’t even want to take the test. She said something about being bad at math and I assured her that I was too but I was taking that damn test. I tried to convince her but she had her own agenda. By November of senior year I’d gotten accepted by the college I ended up attending. They said apply early and I was SO there. All the while Fatou had no plan other than moving in with some silly boyfriend after graduation. Fast-forward 7 years and she’s working two full-time jobs just to make ends meet. One 9a-6p type job, and one at Walmart from 11p-7a just to SURVIVE. I’m so glad my sister was with me when Fatou and I were having that catch-up conversation. Ever since that day my sister has been gung ho about the campus tours and she’s repeatedly said, "I don’t want to end up like Fatou." Previously, talking to her about college was sort of like talking to my damned self. My brother not so much. He’s already confirmed that he’s going to be a lawyer and he just has all the answers (or so he thinks–lol) so I don’t worry about him as much. I am, however, trying to steer him toward this particular high school that’s known for sending about 80-90% of it’s students to college, and the avg SAT scores for that school are high compared to the other schools in the city. It’s kind of tough when they live with their dad who has a GED and isn’t really pushing them that hard because nobody pushed him and he practically raised himself, although I’ll admit he’s doing the best he can.

I KNEW I was going to college sophomore year. West Chester University had a program with my high school where 30 sophomores were chosen to live on campus for 2 weeks in the summer and take classes to get the college experience. We stayed in the dorms, had to go to class every morning, and even had a meal plan. I didn’t know anybody that went to college and was like WOOOOOOW THIS IS WHAT I’M GONNA DO. Seriously. Although I KNEW that I didn’t want to attend WCU that school always has a special place in my heart for that experience. I think I’ll make it the first stop on our campus tour.

I should be at the laundromat right now but why do that when I can update my blog?

I find marriage induced amnesia to be quite entertaining. I get women telling me, "oh I’ve been marred for 5/10/15 years and the dating game wasn’t like that back in my day." Fifteen years ago was 1992…has the game changed THAT much since the 90’s??? I seriously doubt it. Sometimes married women can be so annoying. They got their man now and just don’t remember any bad experiences or how things can be in the game. Let some of them tell it, ALL the guys they ever dated were just so great (yet she forgets that they broke up for SOME reason) and dating was just a summer breeze for them. In the words of Jay-Z, "you need more people!"

What is it about clubs that makes people lose track of all their good common sense? There’s this club out in the suburbs that’s REAL interesting. It’s dirt cheap…$5 to get in, $2 drinks all night on Fridays. It’s an equal mix of Whites/Blacks with some Latinos mixed in here and there. It’s actually a nice venue (it has an outdoor bar/dance floor that overlooks a river). But for some reason, any bar/club I go to that isn’t IN a city like Philly, DC, NY, ATL, etc, seems real backwoods to me. It doesn’t matter that this place is 10 mins from Philly; it may as well be in the middle of nowhere as far as I’m concerned.

As soon as we walk in the door some guy attempts to grab my hand and motions for me to come over to where he is. He’s sort of tucked in a corner w/ his friends and I’m like why the hell would I come over to you dummy? He walks over so I decide to entertain him for a minute or two. He tells me his name is "Dolla" and he’s 23 y/o from Delaware. He’s such a walking example of how wack guys from Delaware and South Jersey tend to be. I asked if he had a real name and he replies "it ain’t worth shit." I said "nice to meet you DOLLA" and walked away laughing my ass off and telling my friend about it. We get over to the bar and all of a sudden this white chick starts having a FIT. She throws a perfectly good drink on the floor and starts yelling "I will fuck ANYBODY the fuck up in this place! You wanna fuck with me?! You wanna fuck with me?!" That poor girl was angry at the air or something b/c there wasn’t a soul anywhere near her when she started tripping. Then she stomps off and I ask the girl she appeared to have come with if her girl was okay. She wouldn’t claim her though, talking about, "well I know her but I don’t really KNOW her like that…" LOL you know that’s your friend! I saw a guy get carried out of the club kicking & screaming for the first time. Now, I’ve been in some ’suspect’ establishments from North Philly to Baltimore to Homewood (Pittsburgh) but for some reason don’t recall ever seeing that happen.

My friend’s coworker showed up with her crew of "we like Black guys" White chicks. They’re nice girls but one of them rubs me the WRONG way. Hell, I don’t even think her friends like her. Anytime we’ve been in the same establishment, this chick always gets LOST. All night her friends are like "where’s Angela?!" and last night was not different. When the club let out we saw her in the corner somewhere hugged up with some Snoop Dog imposter. I wish one of my friends WOULD go somewhere with me and just be m.i.a. all night. Her ass would get left and she’d never get invited again.

I initially thought that Rihanna’s "Umbrella-ella-ella-ella" was just another annoying ass song. Well it kinda still is but gives me a quick and easy out to get a guy that I don’t want to talk to out of my face. I just say "I’m sorry but you don’t fit under my umbrella" and walk away. They all seem to scratch their head in confusion for some reason though. *shrug*

So I’ve been dating this guy for a bit that I met through a mutual friend. It wasn’t a blind date or anything; we met at said mutual friend’s bbq. At any rate, he’s not just a good guy but he’s a good person in general. I’m not saying that I want to have his babies or walk down the aisle with him, but I think that I should at least get my arse to the laundromat right now so I’ll have something that I want to wear tonight.

I put myself on spending restriction which means no shopping, no nothing until my savings is where it should be (Sistah Ant is my shero). More on that later.

I’ve been tagged by S23:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Without further ado…

1. It’s hard for me to consciously talk about myself. When I’m not trying to do that is when people learn the most about me. I stared at the computer for a while trying to come up with these 8 things lol.
   
2. I’ve been wearing glasses since 1st grade. I wasn’t one of those kids that my mom had to fight with to make me wear the glasses (although they were bigger than my face) because I really could not see. The teacher would put me in the front seat closest to the chalkboard and I still couldn’t read a word of it without glasses. When I wake up in the morning I put my glasses on so that I can find my contacts and put them in…before I even shower. Driving, watching TV, and getting on my laptop without my eyewear ain’t gonna happen.
   
3. My mom is currently in Iraq for the next year b/c she’s in the army. I’m confident that she’ll be fine and everything will be okay but dang I miss her .
   
4. I officially gave up eating beef & pork about 3 years ago in an effort to slowly transition to vegetarianism. Never quite made the full transition…lol. I tried eating beef again at one point but after not having it for so long I didn’t like the taste and consistency, and it upset my stomach. I didn’t really grow up eating pork so I’ve not missed it much.
   
5. I’ve never been in an official relationship other than high school which doesn’t count (to me, anyway). I have a feeling that when I’m really ready for the commitment that is marriage, that’s when I’ll find myself in an official relationship that will probably lead to marriage. People sometimes try to make me feel weird about that, but those people are usually in relationships that have zero long-term potential whatsoever. I just don’t see any reason to be ‘official’ with someone w/ no potential just b/c I enjoy their company even though I do want a relationship. I will elaborate in another blog entry this weekend.
   
6. I totaled a car on the PA turnpike 3 years ago (lost control of the car). Because of the accident I’m a HUGE proponent of seatbelts b/c if I hadn’t worn mine I wouldn’t be sitting here typing this right now. The impact of the crash would’ve thrown me through the windshield at 75 mph. Just to paint a picture, after the crash the car landed on its roof and I had to climb out of the busted passenger window to get out. The tow guy had to slice up the back seat to get my stuff out of the trunk b/c it was so smashed in it couldn’t be opened. I walked away from this with a few cuts on my foot (had on flip flops), and some temporary muscle aches from the airbag impact.
   
7. I get a little anxious on the highway because of #6 and I don’t like driving if I don’t have to.
   
8. I’m quietly planning to relocate down south within the next year or so. I will talk more about it when I get some plans more solidified.

I’m not tagging anybody lol.

This post is piggybacking off of S23’s post here. I pretty much reposted my comment from her site and added a couple of things in.

People are always saying that if you consistently attract ‘certain’ types then you have to look at why you’re attracting them. I can understand that to an extent, but at the same time, when a man approaches you cold, he doesn’t know anything about you other than how you look. So unless you dress and/or carry yourself like a hoodrat or whore, how in the hell can it reflect negatively on you if random crazies find you attractive and decide to approach?

What I look at when a man approaches is how he talks to me (none of that "hey baby" crap), how he looks (if he has braids or sagging pants he can forget it), and in applicable cases the content of his convo (if he tells me his name is Jermaine but I should call him "J-Dubb" then there’s no way we could be compatible).

What’s up with all these false advertisers out here? They approach you looking good, very respectful and interesting. Then you get them on the phone and they say the craziest shit ever.

Exhibit A:

Me: So do you live alone?

Him: No.

Me: … (waiting for him to elaborate lol)

Me: So who do you live with?

Him: A girl.

Me: A girl??? You have a damn girlfriend?

Him: Something like that.

Me: Well it was nice meeting you then.

Him: *chuckles* But…

Me: *click*

If you’re gonna say crazy shit, I need for you to have a wonky eye, dress like a bum, and maybe a missing tooth or three. It would make things SO much easier. Seriously.

When and if it’s in your will for me to celebrate my 45th birthday, please don’t let me be like that pissy drunk woman in the middle of the bar singing "it’s my mafuckin berfday" while vigorously dancing to Back That Ass Up.

Thanks in advance.

–K.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before but I’m the oldest of three [excluding the 5 “half” siblings my biological father has that I’ve never met]. My sister is 16 and my brother is 13. I can remember when they were two and five and my sister would beat the crap out of him. They’d be sitting at their Little Tyke table eating Cheerios and I’d be watching TV or whatever and all of a sudden my brother would start WAILING. I’d run over to them and find his chair flipped on the floor and him laid out crying with his cereal spilled EVERYWHERE. I’d look at my sister and she’d be sitting there looking angry. This used to happen a LOT. I had to baby-sit them all the time and was permitted to spank some azz when they acted up…I STAYED popping her after that scene would repeat itself time and time again. I used to tell her to stop hitting her brother because one day he was going to be bigger than her and the tables would surely turn. I would baby my brother because I’d feel bad that my sister knocked him clear across the room. That girl was something else back then, lol
(she still is actually, ha!).

One day I was watching them eat chicken nuggets but they didn’t see me. My bro poked a hole in one of her nuggets with his sticky azz finger and she said stop. He laughed and did it again…she said stop a little more authoritatively. He thought it was funny and did it AGAIN but this time he stuck his tongue out at her to add insult to injury (btw, he’s STILL an annoying azz little taller-than-me snot). This time she smacked the smile off of his face and he starts boo-hooing. I told him he got just what he deserved and to keep his nasty fingers in his own plate…then I popped both of their azzes because they were still not supposed to hit each other. If he does something you tell an adult, don’t just start swinging at him, geez.

I think about that situation every time I catch the tail end of a ‘flip-out.’ Rarely do people just randomly flip out on someone without being provoked. Rarely do people lead lives full of drama without somehow provoking it. They may cry and wine about how drama always seems to find them, that they are just misunderstood or what have you, but when it’s a pattern folks need to realize that their actions, intentional or not, lands them directly in the middle of messes that they claim to want no parts of.

One day last week as I was walking into the subway station on my way to work, I heard someone beeping their horn but didn’t pay attention to it. I figure that if I’m not in my car, walking in or near the street, or it isn’t someone I know, nobody should be beeping at me. Period. It turns out that the horn beeper was my friend’s Ki’s brother-in-law who had to yell "heeeey K!" to get my attention. I laughed, waved, and got my arse to work as I was running late anyway.

Fast forward to yesterday and Ki invited me to the bbq of this same brother-in-law & her sister. He said, "you acted like you ain’t know me the other day, K! I bet that if a guy wants to talk to you he’d better get OUT the car b/c you won’t even look his way if he beeps at you (laughs)." I told him heck no I don’t respond to the honking of the horn b/c you honk at a prostitute (or women dressed like prostitutes — neither of which applies to me) and any guy doing that mess isn’t going to be my type. Trust me. The guy that Ki is currently dating chimed in and said I could be missing out on a good thing. The way I see it is this. If you get up in the morning to take the 7:30 bus, get to the bus stop at 7:25 and board your bus when it comes and you’re on your merry way. You’re not going to get on the 7:30 bus and think about what happened to the 7:00 and 7:15 buses because they were not for you. What’s for me is for me and a guy who beeps his horn at random women when he’s driving ain’t for me. There’s nothing to lament.

A lot of guys use their car horns as mack tools but it’s stupid. Even if he parks and gets out of the car, I still don’t like it. If I’m walking down the street, you have no way of knowing whether or not I’d even be receptive of your advances. That’s something you can only get through face-to-face interaction. Plus, what kind of idiot does one have to be to think that driving beside a walking woman, or even getting out of your car and randomly approaching her is a good idea? What would make a guy assume that this woman is not threatened by a STRANGER doing that dumb shit? If you see an attractive woman walking down the street, if you can’t be smoother than honking your horn then just make a mental note that she is attractive and KEEP IT MOVING.

As I rode the train home from work today amidst the funk, I had to remind (convince?) myself why I prefer the subway over driving everyday. I only spend $20/week on Gas. My employer pays for my bus pass. Shorter commute time. I can sit and relax on the way to work vs. being stressed by the traffic, $24/day parking, and the fact that Philly drivers don’t believe in using their turn signals for ANY reason, all by 8:30am. After going over that in my head some white guy starts singing: "I told her I loooovvvveeeed her but she left meeee for another womaaaaaaan" for about 10 minutes straight. Another passenger advises him to keep his day job so the guy gets offended and storms off the train at the next stop.

Now that it’s warm everybody (read: rugrats) is out in the streets so you have to drive more carefully ’round these parts. I don’t understand why some pedestrians are so confident in my driving. I wouldn’t put my life in another person’s hands for the sake of not missing a bus or just to ride a shitty bike in the middle of the street. If I run you over your mama nem will run outside and be mad at ME…I should’ve anticipated that little Ron-Ron would be riding in the middle of the street once I rounded that curve.

I’m about to go have me a drank…lol.

Don’t say ‘I love you’ first. I had a friend once who told a guy that she loved him and his response was ‘thanks.’ You don’t want to be on the receiving end of that so let the man say it first.

I started writing this entry a few months back, then abandoned it for some reason. That said, I have NO idea where the above quote came from.

Anyway, that kind of advice does nothing to help women. Hearing "thanks" in response to "I love you" is hardly the end of the world. As adults, we need to understand that sometimes we have feelings for people that aren’t mutual and vice versa (I would’ve been a bit salty though, lol). Furthermore, that kind of advice is telling women that we shouldn’t take risks and should avoid rejection at all costs. But we have common sense and we should use it. We also must trust our judgement in dating situations.

If you tell someone that you love them, it should be because you actually feel that way, not because you expect them to feel the same way or to hear it in return. You definitely shouldn’t settle for a one-sided relationship, but if it’s somewhat early into your relationship, give the person time to reach your emotional level. That’s where common sense comes in. Love is an action word so you will know if the man is falling for you (or if he isn’t interested) based on how he treats you.

I wouldn’t suggest being an aggressive woman but a friend told me he digs that so to each his own. Holding back for fear of rejection isn’t helpful either.

Myth 1: Men don’t know how to behave in a relationship. It is up to a woman to be patient and "teach" him how to treat her.

On an episode of "Roseanne," Roseanne tries to convince Jackie to marry a man who demands that she quit her job as a cop as a condition of marriage. But Jackie wants a husband like Dan, who is considerate and understanding. Roseanne tells Jackie that it took years of hard work…Dan didn’t come out of the package pre-assembled.

It only works that way in TV Land folks. I know that we’ve all heard that you subconsciously teach someone how to treat you by what you accept (and don’t) from your mate. And I agree %150. However, there isn’t a man walking this earth who doesn’t know that if he’s in a committed relationship,

- He should stop ‘messing around’ with his ex
- He should call if he’s going to cancel a date
- Spending time with him and his friends does not = quality time for the two of you
- Collecting phone numbers & going on dates with other women is off-limits

Some women might say, "but this is his first serious relationship and he’s learning." If that’s true then OJ didn’t do it and his new book truly is ‘fiction.’ [end sarcasm]

He may try to play dumb, but trust and believe, he’s just trying to see what you’ll allow him to get away with.

Myth 2: Things may be a little rocky in the beginning, but things will change.

Not gonna happen. If you’re in the early stages of dating and he’s always "busy," gives you excuses as to why he can’t return your calls, two years from now things will be the same. If you’re unfortunate enough to make it past dating, and into relationship territory, you will always feel like an afterthought with him. At that point do not complain or try to change him. Either accept it or find someone else who’s less "busy."

Myth 3: A man can completely fool you/you’re a victim.

How often are women completely blindsided by men? In the times that things didn’t work out due to some shadiness on his part, can we honestly say that we didn’t see the signs but chose to ignore them? Or that we gave the benefit of doubt?

That doesn’t mean that a man is excused for being an asshole, nor should we stop giving the benefit of doubt. However, common sense and discretion should be our guide. 

Myth 4: A man should accept you for who you are.

Not necessarily. Are you the best you that you can be? Are you difficult? How are your character, mind, appearance, and treatment of people in your life? You should be accepted for who you are, but not if you’re crazy…unless you’re Jackie Christie — crazy seems to work for her.